I know what you’re thinking. “She chickened out. She gave up on bikram, gave up on blogging, gave up on herself. She’s quite a flaky one that one!” . Hell, I even thought that myself for the past few weeks. I was upset with myself and everyone else for that matter. The truth, however, is a little more complicated than that.
So I’ll start at the beginning… which is basically the end of class #14. Remember I was telling you a little something about itching on my arms and legs? Well, it got from worse to a complete nightmare. Big, red, blotches on my arms kept staring back at me, urging me to sink my nails into them. I seriously wanted to rip my skin off. In fact, the image of slowly peeling my skin off was the only image in my head throughout #14. I was in my very own horror flick. And I wasn’t the blonde bimbo that’s usually the only one left alive by the end of it. No. I was the slightly overweight brunette that ends up being torn limb from limb by a masked psycho, as a result of investigating things in the dark.
My lovely instructor, Jenny, noticed my torment and constant fidgeting and, of course, my horrible scaly arms and asked to speak to me after class. She told me her daughter was bothered by the same thing, except her back was the one riddled with them: all triggered by an allergy to wheat, made worse by sugar. She was kind enough to give me a few pointers with regards to what to stay away from, and what I could eat instead. She encouraged me saying that if I could do the 60 days challenge, staying away from wheat and sugar will be easy! And she was right! .. but not entirely.
I hadn’t eaten that Saturday as I did the morning class, and so, of course I could start cutting off the terrible twos that very same day. And so I did. Off to the market I went, bought wheat and yeast free bread, buckwheat noodles and lots of fruit and veggies. I was encouraged and ready for a new day. That is, until, Sunday came.
I actually don’t know how I got through class #15. I think I must have blocked out most of it. It’s safe to say, it was not a pleasure. The itching kept bothering me in the worst possible way. I kept seeing myself in the mirror, all covered in red, disgusting blotches. And I cried. Hiding my tears behind the many beads of sweat. I cried. I knew it would take some time before the rash would go away, but it didn’t get better at all, even if just a little bit. Just when I thought it could not get any worse, it did. Right after showering, they started bleeding. Right. Panic officially had set in.
Monday morning I had scheduled an appointment with a doctor. I needed this to go away. And fast. And then the news came. I had a pretty advanced case of eczema. It wasn’t serious, but well it kinda was. He prescribed me a serious amount of steroid cream, which I was to apply for two weeks, twice a day. And I was to stay away from any activity that might make me overheat in any way. In a complete dumb moment, I asked “So, I guess Bikram Yoga is off the table then?” . He laughed a little and nodded for confirmation. Well, I was glad to be there for his amusement anyways.
Monday was my “rest” day anyways, so I could be in denial for 18 more hours, right? I bought the cream and went home to, quite literally, mind my wounds. Safe to say, the moment I applied the treatment felt like a cool, refreshing shower after a really hot day. Blissful. It then dawned on me, I needed to quit. And I was seriously pissed off because of it. I kept thinking this happens all the time with any sort of physical activity. When I was in school, I tried my luck at basketball only to break my nose. I also tried gymnastics around the same period. They left me with two broken fingers. Roller skating nearly broke my back in high-school. And aerobics left me with a twisted knee. And now this. ”Steer clear of Sabina everyone, she has eczema as a result of yoga” ; Great. I am good at absolutely nothing.
Safe to say I cried again. And again. And then simply avoided facing the truth until today actually (nearly three weeks later), when I can finally muster up the determination to actually write about this. My skin finally cleared up on my arms, I’ve just a little left on my legs but it definitely does not itch anymore. Not a single yoga class in 3 weeks either. I know I’m not supposed to give up on myself and bla bla.. I know the speech. I’ve accepted however that after a class I am supposed to feel better, not worse. I’m supposed to be able to focus on the inside. Impossible task with all that going on the outside.
And so there’s a few bad things that I’ve to admit to myself. I’ve quit the challenge. Yes. I’m a little apprehensive about going to a class again. Yes. I have avoided blogging or facing failure. Yes.
But there are also some good that came as a result of this. I’m off wheat and sugar for nearly three weeks now. Yes. (aside from some cake and ice-cream I had on my birthday – allowed!) I am around 98% cured of nasty eczema. Yes. I have finally been able to just come out and tell you all this, which is a big step for me, considering I usually just run and deny failure. Yes.
And looking back at all that has happened lately, I can safely say that the bad things are definitely outweighed by the good. Here’s to dusting yourself off and picking yourself up!